Nothing

I am supposed to be happy –
Unconditionally.
I couldn’t even contain it.
I was so fucking.
So I followed him home.
I know.
That’s weird.
But I just really needed to know where he lived.
I really needed to know who he lives with –
Cause –
Who fucking likes him?
Seriously?
Then –
I woke up –
In the middle of the night –
Needing a shit.
I thought this was an odd occurrence cause I’ve woken up for a piss before –
But not to shit –
That can usually wait till morning.
Not that night though!!
And I thought –
And I’m not a person who usually cares for the whims of fate –
But then I thought –
This shit –
This shit is special –
I need to use this for something.
So I put on a coat.
Went out.
And I shat on his doorstep.
Not at the gate.
No –
I shat on his doorstep.
He even had a mat.
It was perfect.
That night I slept great –
Angst free.
So I started doing it every night.

Admit –
That this isn’t my dream job –
And I know that in a recession I’m lucky to have a job –
I should just be happy I’m not feeding my twelve kids my own shit.
But seriously.
Fuck.
This.
So this one morning,
I’m standing there.
The place is fucking empty and I’m not smiling, I’m not smiling –
Because as I’ve said –
I’m not happy.
And this guy comes up to me –
And he’s an asshole –
The asshole –
And he says –
You know you could smile?
He’s not my fucking superior –
He’s actually worked there less time than me.
And he just.
Fucking hell.
Then he was like –
You look like you’re lining people up to kill them.
And I just thought –
Who??
There is no one fucking here.
But apparently –
According to wankface over there –

VANDAL: So I’m very angry.
There’s this guy at work.
He’s a fucking asshole.
No.
But seriously –
He’s actually.
I’m at work –
Which –
By the way –
At this particular moment –
Meant me standing at the entrance to this canteen at a fucking classic car festival taking tickets.
12 hours.
I’d be taking paper tickets.
Sometimes they were blue –
Sometimes they were shiney –
But they were always fucking tickets –
And I was always fucking taking them.
It was 6 in the morning.
And you know what?
I can kind of admit –