Right Ho, Jeeves

What you want, my lad, and what you're going to get are two very different things.

“I don't suppose he has spoken to a girl for years. What a lesson this is to us, Jeeves, not to shut ourselves up in country houses and stare into glass tanks. You can't be the dominant male if you do that sort of thing. In this life, you can choose between two courses. You can either shut yourself up in a country house and stare into tanks, or

“You have such a great heart, such a fine soul. You are so generous, so unselfish, so chivalrous. I have always felt that about you—that you are one of the few really chivalrous men I have ever met.”

“I put the same construction on the thing. But why, Jeeves? Dash it all, she's just had nearly two months of me.”
“Yes, sir.”
“And many people consider the medium dose for an adult two days.”

“Oh, Gussie's coming, is he? Well, give him my love.”
“Very good, sir.”
“Yes, sir.”
“And a whisky and soda, and so forth.”

She was a pretty enough girl in a droopy, blonde, saucer-eyed way, but not the sort of breath-taker that takes the breath.

You will agree with me that he is not everybody's money.”
“There may be something in what you say, sir.”
“Cleopatra wouldn't have liked him.”

There was a death-where-is-thy-sting-full­ness about her man­ner which I found dis­taste­ful.

“And you can’t get away from it that, fun­da­ment­ally, Jeeves’s idea is sound. In a strik­ing cos­tume like Mephis­topheles, I might quite eas­ily pull off some­thing pretty im­press­ive. Co­l­our does make a dif­fer­ence. Look at newts. Dur­ing the court­ing sea­son the male newt is bril­liantly col­oured. It helps him a lot.”
“But you aren’t a male newt.”
“I wish I were. Do you know how a male newt pro­poses, Ber­tie? He just stands in front of the fe­male newt vi­brat­ing his tail and bend­ing his body in a semi­circle. I could do that on my head. No, you wouldn’t find me grous­ing if I were a male newt.”
“But if you were a male newt, Madeline Bas­sett wouldn’t look at you. Not with the eye of love, I mean.”
“She would, if she were a fe­male newt.”
“But she isn’t a fe­male newt.”
“No, but sup­pose she was.”
“Well, if she was, you wouldn’t be in love with her.”
“Yes, I would, if I were a male newt.”

“I heard a story the other day. I can’t quite re­mem­ber it, but it was about a chap who snored and dis­turbed the neigh­bours, and it ended, ‘It was his ad­en­oids that ad­en­oid them.’ ”