Charisma on Command: Inspire, Impress, and Energize Everyone You Meet

Think of a story you’ve told in the past. We are going to make sure you’re telling it in the best way possible.
The first step is to ask yourself, “Why am I telling this story?”
Because it is hilarious? Because it is shocking? Because it is absurd?
If you can’t find a good reason, find a different story

Here’s an example
“How are you?”
“I’m phenomenal! I snuck out of the office a bit early to take my son to the baseball game. I’m not a big fan myself, but I love seeing how happy it makes him.”
Notice the effusive answer (breaks the pattern of “good” “fine” or “great”). Then elaborating in a way that shares something about what is important to you while leading the conversation.
“Where are you from?”
“New York originally, but I got very tired of the heads down, speak to no strangers, avoid eye contact at all costs attitude. I wanted to live somewhere where people were warmer, so I decided on Latin America. I just love how open and affectionate people are to strangers – I’ve been totally blown away.”
Breaks the traditional pattern of just listing what city you were born in. Shares something about your journey as well as why you moved where you did. Get’s a chuckle when talking about New York and then leads the conversation to talk about the different cultures.
“What do you do?”
“I’m a computer doctor. For as long as I can remember I’ve loved breaking things and putting them back together. So it fulfills my nerdy streak and my ego since I get to be the one person who can fix stuff when things go bad.”
“Computer doctor” breaks the pattern of listing job title. Then talking about why you got into the industry by relating it back to a childhood event shows relatable qualities. Ending on the self-effacing joke creates more laughter.
These are just examples to get you started. The goal is simple: rework your answers to the three most common questions you get so that they intrigue others. Take some time right now and write out a 2-5 sentence answer for each question. Then use them in conversation and note how people respond. If you consistently get laughter and follow up questions, you’ve hit the mark. If people are still bored, come back to the 4 principles and rework your answer

How are you?” “Where are you from?” and “What do you do?” are the 3 most common questions in every first interaction you’ll ever have!
So maybe it’s worth putting a little bit more effort in, right?
Here’s how:
Lead the conversation. People don’t want one-word responses. Give them 2-5 sentences so that they have something to actually respond to.
Break patterns. Answer in a way that jolts people out of auto-pilot.
Be fun. Make people smile and laugh.
Share something important about yourself. Like your values and motivations

Fire up the camera again and practice saying this:
“What’s up, I’m (you’re name). What’s your name?”
(pause for the imaginary person to respond)
“Great to meet you!”
Again, the point here is to experiment. So record yourself calling out the following styles. Do these all with the smile that works best for you.
Don’t smile at all while speaking
Smile behind some of the words
Smile throughout the whole greeting
If you’re not a smiley person, this may feel uncomfortable at first. Remember, it’s an experiment. We’re finding the right amount for you. Which in 90% of cases is going to be more enthusiastic and vibrant.
Now that you’ve seen the difference between your smiles, here is your assignment for the rest of the day:
Smile at everyone you meet at the beginning of conversation.
Everyone? Yes, everyone.
Smile at people you pass walking the street. At coworkers when you greet them. At your girlfriend or boyfriend or husband or wife when you get back from work.

Speaking through a smile

Again, we are going to practice with a camera. So get one ready. If it has one, your computer’s onboard camera will do fine. Don’t watch the live video playback. Minimize the video recording screen so you can’t see what you look like in real time.
You are going to call out the following and practice these smiles:
My normal smile (say it, then do it)
Jaw drop smile (relax the lower jaw so it hangs like in the Will Smith photo - say it, then do it)
Radiate love from your eyes (just do it as best you can - say it, then do it)
The Goofy Smile (whatever this means to you - say it, then do it)
The Laughter Smile (form the smile by laughing - say it, then do it)
Now it’s time to watch the video back.
As you watch, pay attention to which smile you feel most comfortable with as an observer. Don’t get hung up on any perceived flaws. Just ask yourself, which inspires the warmest, most comfortable feeling

Do the exercise with a camera. Then spend the rest of the day looking people in the eye while speaking. It might feel harder to form complete thoughts at first. You’ll quickly build that skill if you stick with it

Now get recording. Don’t watch the video as you record. The point is to watch it in playback and feel your eye contact as a listener would.
Once you’ve watched it back, ask yourself: How does your eye contact make you feel as a listener? If you freak yourself out with overbearing eye contact, it’s likely that your eyes are too wide. If you feel bored, it’s likely that you need more expressiveness with the eyebrows and smile. Diagnose an area of improvement, shoot again, and see how your feelings shift

Now the question: how do you sustain eye contact without freaking people out?
The secret is in “narrow eyes.” They are exactly what they sound like. You keep your eyes a bit narrower than when they are totally relaxed by activating the muscles around the eye

Your assignment for the day is this: Look people in the eye while you speak