Parenting: Illustrated With Crappy Pictures

Which brings me to the last and perhaps the most important law of all. They will never stop surprising you. The moment you think you have them figured out…you don’t. And that is awesome.

Awww, come on, did you really think I had an answer? Nobody does. Yawn. Group hug.

Which brings me to the last and perhaps the most important law of all. They will never stop surprising you. The moment you think you have them figured out…you don’t. And that is awesome.

Art supplies are used on everything except paper.

The better children behave for someone else, the crazier they will be when they come home

A baby will always find something disgusting to put in his mouth, no matter how much you clean or babyproof your home.

I pick him up and carry him with the “Hold-the-baby-as-far-away-from-you-as-possible-because-you-know-the-poop-is-going-to-ooze-out-all-over-you” technique. I know it is going to be massive.

I’m embarrassed and acting so odd that he must think I’m absolutely crazy. Which I am, but I don’t want other people to know.

One toy and two children is a recipe for war. This is how war was invented.

Right. When I was a kid, medicine meant cough syrup that burned my nostrils. But to him, medicine is yummy and comes in fruit flavors.

Plan failed. He ate the germs. I stand there, dumbfounded, and wonder if I should pour hand sanitizer in his mouth. Probably not.