Pauline Boss

The family that exists in people’s minds is more important than the one recorded in the census taker’s notebook,

This view of family stresses the criterion of being present—psychologically and physically—even more than that of being biologically related.

First, because the loss is confusing, people are baffled and immobilized. They don’t know how to make sense of the situation. They can’t problem-solve because they do not yet know whether the problem (the loss) is final or temporary.

This is especially important during times of transition, such as when children go off to school, get jobs, fall in love, marry, have children of their own, and eventually take care of those who once cared for them.

Whatever the cause, ambiguous loss from psychological absence, like that from physical absence, is the culprit causing distress for couples and families in diverse situations.

The women’s goal of harmony with nature rather than mastery over it, their patience and humor, and their comfort with ambiguity opened up a new path for my thinking. From them I learned that ambiguous loss does not have to devastate

This belief is clearly illustrated in an Anishinabe morning prayer: “I step into the day; I step into myself; I step into the mystery.”