Allison Raskin

The first step in taking back control is building self-awareness

It’s not just your boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s your best friend. You’re losing your best friend who you talk to every day, see every day, sleep with every night. It’s quite traumatic. It’s not like any other relationship that ends.” Turns out, I wasn’t just some boy-obsessed loser. I was responding to true loss. And unless you’ve managed to completely disconnect from your emotions, that loss is going to hurt. A lot. So any self-judgment that follows your reaction to heartbreak is unnecessary and misinformed. You are hurting and that is normal. Cut yourself some slack and a big piece of cake

I was so upset because I was losing the fantasy of him. And that fantasy was something I’d been toying with for years. It was meaningful to me. So the next time someone abruptly ends things and it stings more than you’d
expect, try to remember that losing the possibility of something can be just as painful as losing the actual thing. And then eat another piece of cake

The first step always is noticing the thoughts that then lead to the feelings of despair, sadness, hopelessness, and shame. And try to notice it as a thought rather than a fact. The sequence is always noticing, labeling, grounding back to this moment

Thoughts, on the other hand, hold the same weight as dreams. They’re in our brain,
so they seem real, but they’re not. They’re quite literally figments of our imagination

According to Robin, “The goal is to take what serves you and leave behind the rest.” After every breakup, take the time to examine what you’ve learned about yourself, what you’ve learned about the type of relationship that works for you, and what you’ve learned in terms of how you want to act in the future. Write it down. Ingest it. Then, as Elsa and every child born after 2010 likes to belt, you have to let it go(ooooo

I was unable to move on because I kept avoiding the work involved in getting over someone

One theory I would have is that it’s hooking into an older trauma, which is keeping it alive. As a trauma therapist, my recommendation would
be that you have to heal the older stuff that keeps the current stuff going

When in reality, drama does not equal love. Oftentimes, it means the exact opposite

A routine is really good for your mental health. Pushing yourself through exercise really does help. Eating even when you don’t really want to eat. Because that is what your body needs to weather the storm.”